this time i bought a computer

This one time, I was sitting watching NASCAR, and wife came in and said "Honey, i think we should by a computer." I said "No! Now go make me a sammich!"

But it got me thinkin, so the next day i went down to one of them fancy fruit stores down at the mall, to see bout gettin one o them new 'Eye Macks.' You see, i figgured it be like either a Big Mac, or a mac truck, but it was niether.

Now, my first problem was they had blacks workin there, and i didn't like that one bit. My second problem, was they were all a bunch of Prius-driving liberal pansies.

Anyway, i ask the obama supporter trying to sell my this crap how much it was gonna cost, an he said 1200 dollars. I considered shooting him, but decided not to. I told him there aint no way in hell im paying that much for a Chinese-made overpriced piece of crap.

Now i was pretty mad, so i threw a dip in, but some guy there told me they had a no tobacco policy an i said "Damn. Where is this country going." So now i leave the store, but i see this REAL NICE rebel flag laptop skin, so i take it.

Anyways, so i get back home and tell me wife what happens, and she seems kind of upset so i tell her "Don worry, i'll find us a computer. Now go make me a sammich."

So the next day, I go to my buddy Lester (the tech-savvy one of us) and he tells me about this place that opened up at the old radio shack building called "Radio Shack used computers." I say "Damn. Let's go." So he throws a dip in, and we head down there. They try to sell me all this "Windows XP works like it just came out of the factory" crap.

I was bout to leave, but them i saw it. I don't know what it was, but i fell in love with it.

So i look at Lester and say "Damn. That's a computer." He looks back at me and says "Damn thats a computer."

So i look at the guy, throw a dip in, and say "How much is that there beauty?" an he says "That one? It don't work, it's the biggest piece of garbage i ever seen. Hell, I'd pay you to take it." Now i wasn't gonna put up with this blasphemy against great American art, so i shot him and took the computer.

So i slap my confederate laptop skin on it and bring it home. I show it to my wife an say "Look what i got for ya." she goes "That's not what we need! I need one that works." so i said "Watch yo mouth woman, or ill tie you up and leave in the swamp again." Well that shut her up good, and she left me to marvel over my great item.

Damn i love this country.